Sitting in my back yard surrounded by fencing and the drone of filtered air from all directions, pondering my spot right then and there..on this planet... I suddenly knew that what I needed was water, to be in it, surrounded by its placental goodness.  

I prefer lakes or oceans but pools will do, there is a sudden release of all the negative energy that seeps into my life, I can let it all go there.  

Why do I forget this and deprive myself of this joy?  

I fear that I have become a self flagellater, maybe not inflicting these wounds, but not tending to them as necessary, not protecting myself from the sharpness of others.

Turtles swim.

.....Alas the splash and the soaring  the liberation of the water, i swear it lights me back up. reinforces my force field, my invisible shell.